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All that is writing is not gold
Sunday, July 19, 2009 Where's The Fire?

No I'm not talking about my love life. I'm talking the romance novels I read. I don't know how any of these people fall in love anymore. The more romance I read the more I feel as though romance is dead. They took out forced sex, then they took out barbaric men who tell women what to do, then the women stopped fighting because now they're equals.... Ok that's all well and good for real life. But, honestly it's making my reading extremly boring.

It's worse than that though. It's the writers who try to bring in some of the old school and it doesn't match their watered down characters. Seriously, I'm bored to tears. I need to see much more verbal action and much less "respect". I miss the old writers.

So either come up with something more interesting or give me my old writers back. I'm too tired to carry this rant any further. I'm off to finish reading the book that's good, but lacks the potential it could have if they weren't so worried about offending womens lib.

Nite all. Write me something I can read!

Posted by Miranda Heart :: 9:01 PM :: 1 comments

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Friday, July 03, 2009 Exhausted

Hubby is out working the tour which leaves me home with the kiddos. Things are going pretty well around here. I realize I'm much stronger than I'm given credit for. More than anything tonight I have a heart breaking situation that is weighing heavily on me. I've always carried this idea that I need to save the world. People, animal, plants... doesn't matter I can fix them all. It's the reason my number one bad habit is giving unsolicited advice. I just want to see every situation work out for the best for all parties involved.

A neighbor of mine is having a hard time with one of her children. Well he isn't actually one of her kids, he's a grandchild and she's been granted custody over two of ther daughter's children. She had the others but they are grown and making their own mistakes. The little girl despite her issues is very sweet and gentle. She plays pretty well with Maia and although we've had to work on manners and respect I don't think she's ever intentionally been rude to anyone.

The boy on the other hand was a bit older before he was taken out of the home he lived in. I know many things happened to him that should never happen to anyone, let alone someone so young. He struggles with anger as so many abused children have. Grandma struggles with how is the best way to handle the situation and more often than not chooses the wrong path. Now tonight the police were called out because of something he did, but it's leading them to make a decision about rather to keep the children in this home or not.

I'm torn on what I believe should happen. On the one hand both children coudl have a chance in a more appropriate home, but the boy unfortunatly risks being bounced from home to home. On the other hand all three have a chance at being rehabilitated if they so choose. The boy has a chance of finding stability and love in an environment he might have never known could exist. Either way it's not my decision to make. Tonight I'm sending my prayers that whatever decision is made I hope everyone will be better for it. I hate to see families torn apart. I know what it's like to be the one that just doesn't seem to make the cut. I've been where this little boy is today and I know what roads he has the choice to make but more often than not the wrong road is chosen. I know both of them can offer eachother much more than what they are giving out. It's so hard to break that cycle sometimes.

If anyone is out there and reads this tonight or even in the future, please pray for this family. Maybe if enough prayers are sent up the right choices will be made. I'm goign to talk to my church tomorrow. As big as they are, there has to be some good thoughts heading in this family's direction.

Peace and love tonight. Sleep well.

Posted by Miranda Heart :: 10:02 PM :: 0 comments

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Saturday, June 13, 2009 When it's time to move on

I guess the hardest thing for me to do is to let people go. Just one of those strange things with me. No matter how bad things are, I hate to give up on anyone or to think that the relationship is just no longer compatible for both involved. This week though, I had to do just that. I'm really down about the whole event. But, it's also made me learn something about myself. To push myself to become a better person, inside and out. I've been alot of things in my past, and despite working hard to change myself to become something more I realize I still carry around my bad habits, even if not to the same extreme as they have been.

First and foremost I will work to be even less judgmental. I'm quick to pass judgment on a person before there is even a hello. There are a few womens groups that I'll be joining this summer and two mom's groups I'll be joining this fall. I'm excited about both. It'll be time to practice what I'd like to preach even more. Everyone is different and those differences should be celebrated instead of yanked out into the open and snubbed. Our therapist said, "Look at each other like one of God's children and decide if you would still say the same thing." I think that can apply to anyone and everyone.

Be more accepting. It goes up there with judgmental. Sometimes it's hard for me to swallow other's opinions, especially if I couldn't disagree more. I'm not angry abou their opinions, but I am quick to shoot it down and cover it with mine. I'd much rather nod my head and smile and let them think what they want.

Make friends that I'm proud to have as friends. I've come across alot of hypocrits, judgemental people and worst of all stupid people. I can't have a group of friends that I wouldn't invite over for a family dinner. If I'm always thinking bad thoughts about them or disagreeing with them, it isn't making me a good friend. Actually it's making me a rather bad friend. So I plan to be more selective. I seem to attract people that I am not just the complete opposite of, but those that exhibit even the same bad habits I have. That does no one any good.

Learn to let go. Sometimes things are minor compared to the grand scheme of things. I don't need a chip on my shoulder, I don't need to feel personally affected by everything. Sometimes it is what it is. But, sometimes people just need to be let go. I'm not dependent on any one relationship to see that the rest of my life is wonderful. I don't need to be in a bad relationship just to keep someone around. By closing one door many more will open and I need to be open to exploring my options. If I hadn't been willing to let some things go recently I never would have taken the opportunity to get to know others. Hanging onto my past has really only left me with the past. I'm a different person than I was ten years ago. My friendships haven't reflected that and that's sad.

I want friendships that are about building another person up. I want a friend who is able to listen with an open heart and mind. I need to surround myself with people who just get it. My sister is the best friend I have because she exhibits all of these things. She's the most humble person I know and I wish I could meet more people like her.

I don't know. I guess I'm feeling rather down and making a list of more positive goals to change the situation seems much more productive than moping the loss of something that I feel I've never had. To those of you with best friends who are perfect ina lmost everyway, give them a call and say thank you. Trust me it's as hard to find a good friend as it is to find a good husband.

Good night all. I'm off to watch some tube and read a book. Went to bible study tonight. Sis and I are really excited about the new series coming up. The End of times. Which always makes me sad to think about. If it happens during the time my daughter is growing up she'll miss out on marriage, having children, playing, having friends and going to the movies. It has always made me sad. Despite the fact that when it's over there are those of us going to an amazing place, but to think my daughter will have to also miss out on "worldly" fun saddens me as well. Maybe I shouldn't attend this series. But, I will anyway, not everything is easy to hear but sometimes it just has to be heard.

Posted by Miranda Heart :: 7:53 PM :: 0 comments

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Saturday, June 06, 2009 Getting back into the game

Although I'm not quite ready to pick up the keyboard and start crankin out the words, I am ready to start keeping my journals again. At least for a bit. With the new baby life has been hectic to say the least. It's been an interesting ride with two kids.

The family front has settled down so I guess it was time to start having disagreements with friends. Hubby and I started goign to counseling and it's made a huge difference. The friend front on the other hand has made me wonder why I ever decided to make friends with folks to begin with. Learning how to live peacably in a very opinionated environment is starting to take its toll on me.

On top of that it's forced me into some soul searching. I feel we should always be looking for ways to better ourselves and even if we don't succeed a few steps forward and one step back is still better than standing still. I feel like the year I turned 30 it not only started a new year for me it also began a decade of change. I'm two years into it and although I'm not perfect I'm beginning to look at life and differences with more of an open mind than I did in my twenties. I'm still hot headed I'm still opinionated, but I've learned that it's ok that others differ in their opinions. Not like I get it right everyday, but I'm working towards it. Maybe soon I'll achieve that ever untouchable goal of letting things go. That seems to have gotten worse with age. I dwell on things now and let it eat away at me. In my teens I just dropped it all, the older I get now the more things start to bug me. So that's my thought for the day.

I've been doing alot of reading. I'm having to pump bottles for my little one several times a day and that leaves me with doing little else besides watchign t.v. Now I've seen it all and started picking up my books again. I hope soon I'll be able to purchase an ebook reader and get things started again on my review site. I'm missing my BDSM reading. I'm missing my writing. I tried to pick it up again after the little one was born but it just isn't working out the way I'd like. One step at a time. At some point they all go to school right??

I've been going to church with my sister and focusing on bible study class with her. It's been a real eye opener on how to apply these concepts to everyday life. I've enjoyed it. It's a learning experience and makes sense. Our bible study group is awesome and full of life. Although I must say, it makes it hard to write erotica and read the bible. But, I'll manage somehow. LOL

I guess that's something of an update. I'm on facebook now. Not much to say there. I like it here, I can write as much as I want without anyone cutting me off. Since it seems I've become long winded, I needed this time to just free write.

My hope for 2009 has been to get myself involved in as many mom things as I could. I'd love to have a group of moms to hang out with, talk about the kids with, share stories with. I think the little one will enjoy it as well, even if she's a little too young right now. So I've joined a few moms groups and talkign to the library moms a little more. It's been fun. I can't wait for the school year when our activities pick up again. Hopefully, if I'm lucky it'll help to put some gritty moments of my past behind and help me start fresh.

Be back soon I hope.

Posted by Miranda Heart :: 5:11 PM :: 0 comments

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Tuesday, August 19, 2008 Nice to see I still have a blog

ACH! I'm still pregnant. You haven't seen me because sitting in my chair makes my legs go numb. Seriously, I think first pregnancies are a breeze to help keep the species alive. If I have done this with the first I probably wouldn't have gone through this again. Although, I must be a glutton for punishment because I'm already thinking about the third. LOL Whatever, I feel well enough to at least jump on here and let folks know that I haven't fallen off the earth, I've just taken a sitting break.

Doc gave me some great pointers so I've at least been able to start reading again. On the couch. Not much internet reading going on so all my sites have gone to poo poo land. I promise to be back in the game soon enough just now isn't a good time. I'm seriously thinking about getting an ebook reader. I might go price some today or tomorrow. I've already spent too much time here and my foot hurts.

But there you have it. HUGS and talk to you all soon.

Posted by Miranda Heart :: 8:58 AM :: 1 comments

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Thursday, May 08, 2008 12 weeks and still sick

I know I keep signing on to whine about this. And you've probably stopped reading by now. But, that's ok, this blog is more for me than you. Why in the hell can't I get this nausea to go away. It was gone all day today. I did a kick ass job in the kitchen for once. All I had to deal with was some leg pain and a slight headache. I really thought I'd skipped it. I had a twinge of sickness at eight. Then again at nine. But nothing to complain about. Come ten I now want to just die. Seriously, I'm so over this. Twelve weeks and I feel like the time might be shrinking but the feeling is worse.

We're prepping to go campign tomorrow. I seem to feel better when camping. I hope that isn't a lie this time. Nothing seems to work anymore.

Posted by Miranda Heart :: 8:45 PM :: 0 comments

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Tuesday, May 06, 2008 Morning Sickness? I wish that's all it was!

Thursday will make twelve weeks. Twelve. I go from sick at night to sick all stinkin day to just sick at night. And worse I can't even vomit. So I just sit around with a rolling stomach all day long. I'm so tired that I haven't touched the house in weeks. The only time I've felt even somewhat well is when I go for walks, and today that stopped working. With my last pregnancy it wasn't like this. The tiredness sure, but this sick thing lasted all of two weeks. I'm going on like eight now. I really just wish it would go away.

I did do some actual work for FB today. Read through an ms they wanted to accept. So I did actually accomplish something. ALthough sitting at the comp makes me feel sick so I can only be here for short bouts. I moved a few things on the dining room table. The one my husband said was part of the room he was going to have totally spotless (Yet another way for him to show me up.). The floor is really clean, but it's all sitting on top of my dining room table now. And he wonders why I never say anything. But, then I was told about how little I've done lately and that I haven't even touched the dining room table. (Insert jaw drop bug eyes here.) That wasn't my job. Oh and I'm tired of hearing... I know your pregnant.... Because if anyone understood how awful I felt, I might hear less of what I'm not accomplishing and get a pat on the back for harboring an alien in my uterus for nine months! Men don't seem to consider the full time job of building a fetus into a human. The energy that takes, the hormones, the food, the exhaustion. Yeah, you guys build a human from nothing more than two microscopic nothings. And do it without the use of your hands or instruments. Jerks.

All that said, I'm sure you will find it obvious that I haven't gotten any work done. Therefore I really have nothing to add here other than.... I'll trade my husband in for a normal one.

Posted by Miranda Heart :: 8:55 PM :: 0 comments

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